Saturday, February 7, 2009
A Logistical Nightmare!
LVPS RR2 Day 3
With Emirates Team New Zealand and tens of thousands of spectators out on the water for hours on a steamy summer Saturday afternoon off Auckland, eagerly anticipating their key race matchup against arch rivals Alinghi, the action back on shore was getting even hotter.
Reached late morning at his hotel, Brad explained his Alinghi team's planned activities for the day. "It's a logistical nightmare," said Brad. "You have no idea what I've been through for the last few hours. Everything that could possibly go wrong has. But I'm still determined to make today the best of the event so far."
"I'm not naïve enough to think these things just 'happen,' so I started making calls," Brad said. "I was going to cover all the expenses myself, but when I started factoring in all the stuff we're going to need today — snacks, liquor, handcuffs, condoms, lube, porno videos, anal beads, batteries for the vibrators, a Slip-N-Slide — it became clear that my wallet was going to take a major hit. So now I have to chase down everybody and try to get them to pitch in a little cash."
Many of Brad's headaches stemmed from the difficulty of having to accommodate the widely varying sexual tastes of the sailors on his team.
"Ernesto doesn't want pornos playing because he finds them distracting," Brad said. "But Warwick says he can't get hard without one. So do I have two adjoining hotel rooms, one with pornos and one without? And Kirsty wants hardcore orgy-themed porn while Juan only wants girl-on-girl or softcore. I could have a whole bunch of different rooms, but if you spread everybody out too thin, it'll just wind up being a bunch of separate two- and three-ways instead of one massive fuckfest."
Continued Brad: "I was going to lay a tarp down in one room so people could oil each other up without damaging the rugs. But do I put the tarp in the porn room or the other one? Why does group sex have to be so complicated?"
One aspect of the orgy Brad regretted changing was the theme. Originally slated to be a Maori affair, the event was switched to a Mexican theme to indulge Warwick's fetish for naked women in sombreros.
"That was stupid of me," he said. "Mexican food isn't really good for an orgy: No one wants to lick salsa off someone's privates. But I've already spent twenty minutes Photoshopping sombreros onto the nude pictures into the email invitation, so I can't back out now."
Another complication was in selecting adult toys for the day's main event.
"I figure we'll have a few strap-on dildos and some vibrators," Brad said. "I'd like people to have as much fun as possible, but I only have a handful of silk scarves for light bondage and one vibrating butt plug. Do I ask people to bring their own stuff? I'd rather have everyone just show up and fuck, but it'd be nice to have toys to pass around. Maybe I can find a place on Halsey St that rents butterfly fuck-swings, then decorate one like a piñata."
Though already "way stressed," Brad said he expected his anxiety level to increase as the time of the orgy approaches.
"I don't know when I'm going to find the time to clean and set everything up," Brad said. "Bruno asked me to go to the media center for a presser at lunch time. What am I going to tell him, 'Sorry, I have an orgy to prepare'? When this all started, Ernesto and Nils said they'd help, but they haven't done jack shit except get a cheap sex doll that I'm probably going to have to blow up myself."
"And ideally, I want two girls for every guy," Brad said. "As it stands now, it looks like I'll be lucky if I have one girl for every four guys. If only two women show up, that's not an orgy, that's a gangbang."
Though Brad was considering posting a notice on Sailing Anarchy's AC forum seeking female orgy participants, he characterized that as "a last resort."
"You just don't know what kind of people an Anarchy posting will bring," Brad said. "I'd rather just keep it small and intimate. This is my first orgy in Auckland in quite a while, and I'd really like it to be people I know. Or at least friends of friends. I've been asking the guys to bring any willing females along, but knowing them I probably shouldn't count on it."
"I'm sure it'll all work out okay, and that everybody will have a great time," said Brad, dialing a Waitemata restaurant to inquire about catering prices. "As for me, I'll just be completely relieved when it's over. Know what I mean?"