Villeneuve, VD, Switzerland—Larry, Russel, Tom and America's Cup Protocol reform were the happy issues of the morning for Ernesto Bertarelli, Defender of the Cup, at a breakfast meeting with the Magic Turtle at the Chateau de Chillon on Sunday.
Alinghi insiders say that Magic Turtle, in Villeneuve for a brief visit before returning to his Enchanted Gooseberry Glade, is Alinghi's leading hope for solutions to some of the top issues facing the beleaguered team. Top Alinghi officials also hope Magic Turtle's powers can be harnessed to protect Ernesto from evil spells cast by forest trolls.
"Magic Turtle brings a lot to the table," Ernesto agreed in a special briefing to the Villeneuve yachting press following the one-hour meeting. "In addition to his Protocol expertise, he has over 150 years of experience dealing with Magic Pond issues and knowledge of over 800 fanciful riddles!"
Ernesto particularly praised Magic Turtle's insight on problems facing Polly The Polywog and her happy band of music-making lilypad pals.
According to a report published in today's Sailing Anarchy edition, talks began shortly after Magic Turtle instructed Ernesto to rub his Magic Shell.
"Once his Magic Turtle Shell was rubbed, Magic Turtle offered Ernesto the secret locations of over a dozen 'lucky shrubs,'" the article reported.
Ernesto made special note of a make-believe patch of Happy-Charm Alinghi Sprouts in the turtle's Enchanted Glade. "These are Magic Weeds which could offer solutions to any number of problems facing the team," Ernesto said.
Alinghi insiders believe Ernesto will use the Lucky Shrubs to charm Larry into agreement on key Defender Tricks in the new Protocol.
For example, when Ernesto raised the issue of Two-Boat Testing, Magic Turtle responded that the key to solving the problem is "a golden key with a sparkling, ringed handle that has been hidden at the bottom of the Magic Pond from the Beautiful Princess for more than 600 years."
An elite Swiss Navy S.E.A.L. Search and Destroy squad has been duly dispatched to the Sleepytime Pond to retrieve the key, Swiss sources say.
In return for his valuable advice, Magic Turtle has asked Ernesto to find Mr. Magician's Cave Of Wonder, where yummy gumdrops float down cranberry streams. As an incentive for him to do so, the turtle offered Ernesto "a wesket pouch of golden fairy-plums."
According to Grant Simmer, Magic Turtle is also requesting Alinghi assistance in resolving ongoing tensions with his arch-nemesis, the Wicked Goose, ruler of Scaryland.
"We are currently negotiating with Magic Turtle in order to determine how much effort Alinghi is willing to commit to a potential conflict against Scaryland's goblin minions."
An enthused Ernesto praised the turtle for his "great wisdom" and "fancy hat."
